Lately, my nightmare has started to change. I was starting to be able to deal with the original, to sleep through it even though it scares me to death. Or well, scared.
Lately, instead of just including my biological family, it's including my adoptive family, or the ones I consider family even if they're not related. This includes Blake, Danica and Robyn. Let me quote some of the dream:
I'm on the ground, flames all around and I'm being raped by some demon man. He always laughs evilly at this point, and gestures in front of me. I look up to see the three of them there, surrounded by flames. They all glare at me and Danica says: "You could have stopped this, all of this." They're all raped, then Danica and Robyn scream and their skin melts off their bodies, and they turn to ash.
Blake however, continues to live. She has free reign and comes over to me, grabs my chin and pulls it up roughly. Then she slaps me across the face and spits in my eye. Finally she says (in German, which I don't know how she knows German) "I never loved you, it was always just to satisfy your stupid childish hopes." Then she pokes my eyes out so I'm blind, and for the rest of the dream all I can feel are the flames licking my skin and being raped by the demon man. All I can hear is his laughter and all I can taste are my tears.
Friday, February 26, 2010
.:My EvErYdAy LiFe:.
My life. It's nothing special. And I don't even know why I'm writing this, telling you about an average day in my life. Maybe because I felt the sudden urge, who knows? But here it goes.
Monday~
I wake up at 6:16 a.m. I hate waking up early, especially after sleeping so long over the weekend. I love sleep. My record is 17 hours straight, although I don't know if that's something to be proud of.
I get dressed in whatever clothes I feel like for the day. I took a shower the night before, so after going to the bathroom and brushing my hair, I go downstairs at 6:30. I have a pop-tart, whatever flavor I'm feeling like that day. I eat, then go upstairs and brush my teeth. I don't usually wear make-up, or my contacts, but if I'm feeling in the mood, I'll do both. Then i go downstairs again and put on my shoes, and laze around until I catch the bus at 7:04.
Arrive at school around 7:35, I go to my locker, listening to my ipod. I'd die without music; it's pretty much my life. I might send a text to Robyn and/or Blake, depending on if I have time.
At 7:40 I head to homeroom, sitting at a table with my ex-best friend from 2nd grade and my ex-douche of a boyfriend from last year. The ex-bff, Chelsea, is now preppy and she bothers me to death. She's the only girl companion at my table, so I talk to her more then anyone else. The ex-douche is Chase, and I don't normally speak to him at all. He doesn't speak to me either. There are two other guys, Dave and Sean. Sean has decided it's funny to nickname me "Bitch". I ignore him, he's a childish bastard anyway. Dave is a stoner, addicted to a lot of drugs. I'll talk to him, sometimes, if I'm feeling in the mood.
As the bell rings, I head to first period History, walking with my friend Ashley. We'll catch up on what happened over the weekend, until she has to leave. My History teacher is pretty awesome although we all suspect she's gay.
Then, I head to second period which is Microsoft Word Certification. I don't have any friends in that class, but I type fast and I get done early, so I'm allowed to fool around on the computer.
Third period comes and I find myself in English. My teacher has a soothing voice and I often have to stop myself from falling asleep. There's this one girl in there that really irks me. She thinks she knows everything about everything, and denies my ideas vehemently. She claims to be my friend, but I've never liked her.
Next is German, which I adore. I'm pretty good at it and I have a lot of friends in that class. We bother our German teacher, but she's a good sport about it. There are some idiots, as always, but I tend to ignore those people. I walk with my friend Mark to his locker after that class, then head to lunch. I sit with Melissa, my best friend, Ashley, Caitlin (the girl from third period) and Alyssa. Alyssa's alright, but she's too full of herself. She thinks she's hot, but she's really not. We're often joined by Joe and Brian toward the end of lunch. They're good sports and often joke with us.
Next (assuming it's not day 4 in a cycle, then I have Bio Lab) I head to Gym. We either have phys. ed. or health. Right now we have Health. We're learning about smoking, drugs, etc. I know some people who smoke, and although I'd like them to stop, it's their choice.
Seventh period is Biology, my hardest class. I hate the teacher. She never tells us all we need to know for the test, telling us that we should know ourselves. It makes me mad. I have a lot of friends in that class though. Right now we're taking care of plants. My group is growing carrots and mint. The mint's not growing too well though.
Eighth period is Maths. I hate Maths. I've never been good at it; it takes me a while to understand what everything means. The teacher's amazing though, she hands out candy and is always ready to joke with us.
Next is ninth period study hall. It's pretty boring, mostly I write or do homework. Basically, I just count down the minutes until I can get out of this place.
After the last bell rings, I go to my locker and grab my books, ignoring Sean and Dave. I pull on my red peacoat (I LOVE that coat) and head to the bus. As it starts to pull away, I text Blake, telling her I'm on my way home. I like to meet her online and talk to her- she's a big part of my life, my sister is. She's been a little depressed lately, but I'm determined to make her feel better. I can't have my big sister feeling bad.
I come home and talk to Blake, Danica, Robyn and anyone else who happens to be on until dinner time. I often have a skype call with Danica. I love hearing her voice, it's very warm and friendly (although I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't describe her as such. xD). My mother has a new rule about that, I have to be off the computer when dinner is ready. I do my homework, play the piano and eat, then spend time with my family until my mother forces me to go to bed. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't (sleep that is). My nightmares tend to keep me up at night. Blake has offered to call and read to me. I might take her up on that offer, when she's feeling better. I like hearing her voice too. It's deep and it makes me feel safe, although I've only heard it once. She thinks she sounds like an asshole on the phone, I think she sounds wonderful.
And so that's an average day in my life. Exciting huh? xD
Monday~
I wake up at 6:16 a.m. I hate waking up early, especially after sleeping so long over the weekend. I love sleep. My record is 17 hours straight, although I don't know if that's something to be proud of.
I get dressed in whatever clothes I feel like for the day. I took a shower the night before, so after going to the bathroom and brushing my hair, I go downstairs at 6:30. I have a pop-tart, whatever flavor I'm feeling like that day. I eat, then go upstairs and brush my teeth. I don't usually wear make-up, or my contacts, but if I'm feeling in the mood, I'll do both. Then i go downstairs again and put on my shoes, and laze around until I catch the bus at 7:04.
Arrive at school around 7:35, I go to my locker, listening to my ipod. I'd die without music; it's pretty much my life. I might send a text to Robyn and/or Blake, depending on if I have time.
At 7:40 I head to homeroom, sitting at a table with my ex-best friend from 2nd grade and my ex-douche of a boyfriend from last year. The ex-bff, Chelsea, is now preppy and she bothers me to death. She's the only girl companion at my table, so I talk to her more then anyone else. The ex-douche is Chase, and I don't normally speak to him at all. He doesn't speak to me either. There are two other guys, Dave and Sean. Sean has decided it's funny to nickname me "Bitch". I ignore him, he's a childish bastard anyway. Dave is a stoner, addicted to a lot of drugs. I'll talk to him, sometimes, if I'm feeling in the mood.
As the bell rings, I head to first period History, walking with my friend Ashley. We'll catch up on what happened over the weekend, until she has to leave. My History teacher is pretty awesome although we all suspect she's gay.
Then, I head to second period which is Microsoft Word Certification. I don't have any friends in that class, but I type fast and I get done early, so I'm allowed to fool around on the computer.
Third period comes and I find myself in English. My teacher has a soothing voice and I often have to stop myself from falling asleep. There's this one girl in there that really irks me. She thinks she knows everything about everything, and denies my ideas vehemently. She claims to be my friend, but I've never liked her.
Next is German, which I adore. I'm pretty good at it and I have a lot of friends in that class. We bother our German teacher, but she's a good sport about it. There are some idiots, as always, but I tend to ignore those people. I walk with my friend Mark to his locker after that class, then head to lunch. I sit with Melissa, my best friend, Ashley, Caitlin (the girl from third period) and Alyssa. Alyssa's alright, but she's too full of herself. She thinks she's hot, but she's really not. We're often joined by Joe and Brian toward the end of lunch. They're good sports and often joke with us.
Next (assuming it's not day 4 in a cycle, then I have Bio Lab) I head to Gym. We either have phys. ed. or health. Right now we have Health. We're learning about smoking, drugs, etc. I know some people who smoke, and although I'd like them to stop, it's their choice.
Seventh period is Biology, my hardest class. I hate the teacher. She never tells us all we need to know for the test, telling us that we should know ourselves. It makes me mad. I have a lot of friends in that class though. Right now we're taking care of plants. My group is growing carrots and mint. The mint's not growing too well though.
Eighth period is Maths. I hate Maths. I've never been good at it; it takes me a while to understand what everything means. The teacher's amazing though, she hands out candy and is always ready to joke with us.
Next is ninth period study hall. It's pretty boring, mostly I write or do homework. Basically, I just count down the minutes until I can get out of this place.
After the last bell rings, I go to my locker and grab my books, ignoring Sean and Dave. I pull on my red peacoat (I LOVE that coat) and head to the bus. As it starts to pull away, I text Blake, telling her I'm on my way home. I like to meet her online and talk to her- she's a big part of my life, my sister is. She's been a little depressed lately, but I'm determined to make her feel better. I can't have my big sister feeling bad.
I come home and talk to Blake, Danica, Robyn and anyone else who happens to be on until dinner time. I often have a skype call with Danica. I love hearing her voice, it's very warm and friendly (although I'm sure a lot of people wouldn't describe her as such. xD). My mother has a new rule about that, I have to be off the computer when dinner is ready. I do my homework, play the piano and eat, then spend time with my family until my mother forces me to go to bed. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't (sleep that is). My nightmares tend to keep me up at night. Blake has offered to call and read to me. I might take her up on that offer, when she's feeling better. I like hearing her voice too. It's deep and it makes me feel safe, although I've only heard it once. She thinks she sounds like an asshole on the phone, I think she sounds wonderful.
And so that's an average day in my life. Exciting huh? xD
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